This seems to be mostly exposition with very little plot or character development. You spend so much time creating a world and a routine for your character that by the end, I don't really know him or his conflicts and am not very intrigued when the twist happens. A character that's just bored the whole time is just that: boring.
Also, the pacing could have been sped up for a lot of it. It dragged in the middle. There is no intrigue because there is no conflict. I understand that you are trying to demonstrate the duldrums that motivate his deviancy, but there are no cues to motivate that same twist at the end. If he had been fighting himself or had some internal struggle, I would have been more interested in the dichotomy of internal and external. Right now the story is shallow and straightforward with no cues to a deeper context.
If you had created more empathy for him through his interactions with other people and objects, I might have felt more strongly about the ending, as my empathy for him would have placed me in his shoes, for both the first and last part. That's the interesting bit: how do you make your audience feel like a killer? </ramble>
other than all of that, I liked it. you really seem like you want to make good films, and I hope you continue. Learning at this stage is exponential, so keep shooting. Good luck!
Comments for The Norm
by Team Khareda
This seems to be mostly exposition with very little plot or character development. You spend so much time creating a world and a routine for your character that by the end, I don't really know him or his conflicts and am not very intrigued when the twist happens. A character that's just bored the whole time is just that: boring.
Also, the pacing could have been sped up for a lot of it. It dragged in the middle. There is no intrigue because there is no conflict. I understand that you are trying to demonstrate the duldrums that motivate his deviancy, but there are no cues to motivate that same twist at the end. If he had been fighting himself or had some internal struggle, I would have been more interested in the dichotomy of internal and external. Right now the story is shallow and straightforward with no cues to a deeper context.
If you had created more empathy for him through his interactions with other people and objects, I might have felt more strongly about the ending, as my empathy for him would have placed me in his shoes, for both the first and last part. That's the interesting bit: how do you make your audience feel like a killer?
</ramble>
other than all of that, I liked it. you really seem like you want to make good films, and I hope you continue. Learning at this stage is exponential, so keep shooting. Good luck!