The band bio is a place for all bands to tell their miraculous story of triumph against all odds, or their peculiar beginnings as vagabonds all drawn to the same city. Yerkish has no such story. So they made this one up: In 2005, during an unusually snowy July, Ryan Eschenbach and Nate Huisgen were playing a round of frisbee golf. Ryan, not adept at the sport, threw a wild disc and it disappeared into a dense clump of foliage. Ryan plunged his hand into the bushes only to have it met by an angry badger. The badger snapped its dagger teeth down on Ryan’s hand, severing two fingers. “I’ll never drum again,” Ryan had wept as Nate rushed him and his fingers to the hospital. At the emergency room, Dr. Tim Kaminski sang a different tune. Literally. As the skilled surgeon replaced Ryan’s fingers, he belted out various theme songs to obscure television sitcoms, as this always helped him focus. Nate knew that he would be remiss not to ask Tim to join the guitarist and drummer in an effort to form the “band that would save mankind.” Tim could see clearly the path that was right, promptly destroyed his doctorate, and left neurosurgery behind him. Nate, a freshly-repaired Ryan, and Tim proceeded immediately to their secret practice space in downtown Denver. One block from their destination, Nate narrowly avoided hitting a golden-locked transient. “You need to be more careful where you’re walking,” Nate told the homeless jaywalker. The bum, paying no heed, simply asked for a handout. “If you could find it in you to loan me fourteen-hundred dollars, sir,” the hobo asked as he feebly made eye contact with the band members. “I won’t live much longer if I don’t play bass soon.” The three shared a thoughtful glance, then Ryan approached the transient. “Let me see those hands,” he asked. The bum obliged and exposed a single thick-fingered hand that bore a strangely-shaped birthmark. “It’s the mark of John Alec Entwistle!” Nate Exclaimed. Fourteen hundred dollars later the transient named Brent Moran found himself a home in the secret practice space. That day, four musicians began working on “Fear Conquers America,” the album that would commence a revolution in the world of rock and roll. As Yerkish, these four musicians battle the tired tyrants of the rock charts and their measly 3/4 compositions laden with horrible lyrics. They promise to avoid lazy, repetitive music. They promise to use all of their influences and avoid sounding too much like any one of them. They promise to never put the words “hottie” or “all up on you” in a song. Most importantly, they promise to give each child in America the best possible education and to abolish slavery.

In a nutshell: Yerkish. Four outstanding citizens.