Aiight back again with one of my many gripes about life as we know it in the 21st century. Cell phone…WORST INVENTION EVER!!!!!! Now I know that it has its advantages, like if someone is stranded on the side of the road or if someone you see is in dire need of contacting soom one (:-/), but come on! How many ppl do you see helping someone out who is stuck on the side of the road with a simple phone call? Don’t wanna use up those anytime minutes, pffft!

Truth is, like most inventions the use of the cell phone has been perverted by its ease of access: anyone can get one! And because any one can get one everyone has one! Not to say that only certain ppl should have one, not at all! but is your 10 year olds social life really that important? Yeah, you wanna be able to get a hold of him at school my ass! Call the front desk like the rest of the working poor-YUPPIE BASTARD!

Because of this we have people on the phone everywhere! You can’t watch a movie in peace, can’t look in a beautiful (but fast; definitely fast) woman’s eyes over dinner (followed by cake for desert), or visit your granny in the hospital without hearing a 50 Cent ring tones (tune in next month for ring tone, beef lol). It’s destroying recreation as we know it. And its not even a call about “mama fell down the stairs!!!!!”, its more like “guess who Shiela ’s baby daddy is??!”. Which is col. Your conversation is your conversation. But when it becomes my conversation because I just happen to be 5 seats ahead of you in the restaurant….its my business….and ya might get your ass clotheslined…especially if you mess up my date…...or my cake, DON’T FIND OUT IF I’M KIDDING!

Ya can’t even enjoy the solitude of whistles on the John anymore. I miss sitting in the stall, the quiet sound of random hand dryers blasting air, the water running of hands washed, and steve being added to my favorite five…...scratch that last one! SCRATCH IT ALL TO HELL! How am I supposed to meditate on useless knowledge to deliver to you all if I can’t even get a restfull moment on the throne – the place where all important thoughts and decisions are born and brought into reality?!??! This cell phone shit is really getting out of hand. And then there is the correlary: DUDE, I DON’T WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU WHEN YOUR WRESTLING A TURD!!!. YOU EITHER MISS. DON’T CALL ME FROM THE TOILET! THAT”S YOUR TIME! NOT MINE! YA FILTHY McNASTIES!!! Sorry, had to be said.

So why? We have established that we have to deal with it everywhere from elementary school, to basketball games to movie theatres, dept. stores (walmart is on its way! stay tuned!), etc. I’ll tell you why, and its simple: to feel cool. To feel current, to feel like your in the in crowd. The same reason why people get tattoos when there 49 (why??), lol. And everybody loves gadgets. but come on taking pictures of me when I’m walking down the street?? I DON’T KNOW YOU MAAAAAAAN!!!!! Moreover, that’s gotta be violating some human rights law. But anyway…

Remember in the 80’s (sorry buckaroos) when the cell phone was bigger than your actual phone (haha, or phone book for that matter) but only rich ppl had one to conduct “business” (quote fingers). I think we should convert back to that style of cell phone. At least if people bit the bullet on the whole “vintage” look, they’d be getting a work out toting that behemoth around. Whatever happened for it being cool if no one could get a hold of you? How about You call my house if I’m not there you missed me, I’m having a good time and you missed out. Then everyone is thinking that Whiz guy is never home! He’s got it goin on! He’s kind of a big deal! I’m gonna try to be a part of whatever he’s doing!

Speaking of health issues, all of those radio or whatever waves that are flying through the air can’t be good. They should do a “this is your brain on cell phones” commercial, lol. Check it out – you show a picture of a computer in the on position “this is your brain”. Then put a cell phone right next to it and call it “this is your brain on cell phones, any questions?” (the reaction of a computer next to a computer freaks me out!). SO now that we all have cancer…......

Bottom line: cell phones are evil nonesensical tools of the man and over ambitious politicians stepping on the BACKBONES OF MY PEOPLE FOR THEIR OWN CORRUPT POLITICAL AGENDA!!!!

ooops sorry wrong rant…But there is a lot of money made of an invention that is severely over used and relied on too much. Dr. Whiz prescribes that if you have a cell phone, turn it off for a day or 2 and see how much stress is erased from your day as a result….and how annoyed you become from the over use. See how you like standng in line trying to grab a gatorade, behind Lucinda taking all the time in the world to sledge her card for her pack of ORbit and cheap sunglasses, Just so she can let Sarah know, and everyone else in the store mind you, that G-Whiz is HER man and you betta back off tramp ;-)

Peace,

Everyone’s Favorite Crazy Guy