Hi All!

You are being cordially invited to read the first installment of what goes on in my brain while I’m taking a studio break, or just on my couch scratching myself in the most manley maaner.

So It’s starting to get hot. Ladies are dressing less (hey Gurls ;), BBQ’s, cakes a plenty (yum), and friggen BUGS! Ungodly Bastards! Everyone that knows me knows I hate insects. But most don’t know why. So let me break it down.

Now I say hate. Not frightened of. Don’t get it twisted. I catch bugs in my bare hand like a cat on the prowl. Then pull of legs and wings, one by one. THAT”S MY PLEASURE! GOTCHA YA BITCH!!!!

Sorry lost it for a second! But yeah! Fuckin bugs! They come in your house uninvited after laying eggs on the neighborhood stray dogs log of steaming crap. And then sit on your arm, try to suck your blood, try to eat your food. They are friggen gross! Plus they don’t put in on the heat bill or pay rent. Free loaders….you know I hate em’! (Hi Chad! Where’s the rent!)

But anyways, while thinking in deep meditatin one day, I came to the epiphany: We should exterminate all insects! There pestering by far out weighs there societal value. What? Ya got worms for silk, Bees for honey, can’t think of anything else.

So silk! who really needs silk? Ladies, now trust me when I say it, we will love you wore a monoco, a burlap sack and some tube socks. Ya’ll are so damn beautiful! If your man says otherwise, he is a fuckin liar leave him before it gets worse (and call me ;). Yeah honey is OK you don’t need it though as long as Aunt Jemima is still kickin’. Plus those bastards sting ya. In fact Bees might be the first ones out the door. Spiders are the only cool bugs. They make silk too and they eat other bugs. And there not insects away. BIG UPS TO MY ARACHNID BROTHAS AND SISTAS!

So Forget bugs. What….??? Did some one ask something. “Oh But G-Whiz, You can’t kill all of the bugs! Your gonna mess up the food chain some of what we eat, eats what eats what eats what eats bugs…” so on and so forth. We’ll my friends. I got the answer for that too.

I’m a black dude, adn nutritionally incompetent to boot. So as much as it pains me to say this, the pig will probably have to go, due to the previous line of thinking. I will cry my tears for the swine and ask for a moment of silence….........................

“IT’S SO HAAAAARD! TO SAY GOOD BYYYYYYYYEEEEEE! TO BACON AND EGGGS! HEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!” MY BABY!!! WHYYYYYYY!!!!!

Aiight but after that funeral. Brothas and sistas we STILL Got the Chicken. The dirty Bird is in the house; To Stay!!!! It eats grain and will remain uneffected. Though you might think that the spread of grain seed by insects might be effected if bugs are gone. The wind can still transport it and I think it is the cheif transporter of grain pollen. So the Bees can still kiss my ass! Trust me I’ve done the research.

But If you don’t believe me on that, theres still mi hermano la baca. That mean brotha cow which is actually a woman, which is actually a woman so…..whateva! DON’T JUDGE ME! I learned a little spanish from this Puerto Rican chick Darina. Man she had the fattest…. Sorry again! But its ya’ll ladies fault. Stop being so sexy all the time! ;-p. (Call me!)

Any way; The Cow. The Ultimate Animal! It gives you an emense yield of beef from one unit and bevarge from the milk it squeezes from the boobies (look for the boobie blog to come later). It provides us with clothing from its hide, and Fly gear at that: Leather. We can get everything from a kenneth Cole trench to a pair of Jordans based off of one animal! No Mastter indians worship the Cow. She is a gift of God that just won’t stop giving…and it has 4 nipples! Sexy Kind of????

And what does senorita baca eat? Grass! Good ole grass! No substitute! Maybe some grain every once in a while, but grass. That’s it! That’s all! Single! No more! No less! (hip-hop heads – if you know where last phrase came from holla at me! Ya next beat is free!) And that’s why we need to exterminate bugs. Because the world doesn’t need them, they carry diseases from fical matter, and most importantly: They get on my damn nerves!

If you made it all the way through this excerpt of my brain, you must be as critically insane as I am. So let’s be friends and take over the world :-) If you have a comment in support of my challenge to congress to get rid of all bugs by winter ‘08 give me a shout. Or if you want to express your disdain for my utter (no pun intended, sorta) ignorance, write it up so everyone can see. Or, OR!!!!! If you are a sexy spanish woman who likes long walks in the park, holding hands, listening to music and making french vanilla cake, please hit a brotha up!

Oh Yeah, Everyone Check out Music by Barak Yalad and Boom By Hassaan from Rawkus and let me know what you think.

Oh Yeah and VOTE OBAMA FOR YO’ MAMA!

Peace

Whiz!